September, 2019
Naestved, Denmark
Tine, my Psychotherapist, I’ve seen her for years. She helps me understand the abuse of growing up in a dysfunctional family with a narcissistic controlling dad.
Bad habits, trauma, disappointments, anger and grief are part of my life.
In one of our conversations I experience the wildest. Tine knows her stuff. This time she goes deep.
I forgot a lot. It’s normal you freeze emotions, when you experience trauma, as a child.
Tine calms me down. Conversation starts with feeling my body.
Slowly Tine asks “Where does your mum show up?”
Suddenly I feel an intense warmth in my left arm. And left side of my chest.
Tine asks “Where are you?”
“On my mum’s lab in our rocking chair”.
She holds me tight. Sings in my ear. We are close.
My red schoolbag is on the left side on the floor. And open.
“What’s in your bag?”, mum asks.
“Don’t know”.
Mum takes out two rolls of yarn, one dark purple, one light purple. Hidden under books.
“Where’s that yarn from?”
“From school”.
Mums turns me around. Looks me in the eyes. “You can not steal”.
“You have to bring them back”.
“I’ll help you”.
Next moment we are in the car on our way to school.
Mum takes my hand.
We walk down the left wing.
Stop in front the handicraft room.
Mum says “Knock the door. Deliver the yarn back to the teacher and say, I’m sorry, that I took it home”.
“I’m right here and wait for you”.
I knock the door.
I hand back the yarn to the teacher.
And turn around to my mum.
Mum hugs me hard. Kisses my cheek “I’m so proud of you. You did it on your own”.
My eyes openens.
Tine looks at me.
I’m in tears “I forgot … now I remember I stole at school”.
“Your mum taught you, what’s right and wrong in life and she did it with respect and love”, says Tine quietly.
I’m my mum ever grateful for that moment…
And I’m thankful Tine was able to find that inside me.
Things I forgot.
My mum didn’t shout at me, like my dad would. She showed me how you show up in life.
Next step is yours.
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